Newbie Mom Files

Becoming a mother for the first time can be scary, exciting, daunting, emotional and so much more. Especially when you find out over half way through your pregnancy and are so clue less that before you have time to digest the idea that you have life inside of you, there is suddenly a tiny scrap of humanity that you are responsible for. Of course that is just one story…mine! No matter the circumstances it’s a journey your never going to forget. These survival tips are all things that I either employed or with the wisdom of hindsight would employ. Please remember these are things that worked for ME and may or may not help you at all. I’m simply a mum who found ways to make life a little easier to cope with during those first months of motherhood.

During pregnancy and beyond: While pregnant take note of your babies movement/sleeping times. Keep an eye on your cravings/food aversions. Your infants sleeping habits may uncannily resemble their movement times while your toddlers tastes may just mimic your own during pregnancy. Don’t just record your babies milestones, but keep one for yourself too. It’s amazing the things and emotions you will forget after those first 12 months. I still remember things when I read the online entries I did, but without the prompting those memories would fade into nothingness. I also write letters to Zoe, did one when I was in Labor, and have done one every year on her birthday since. I’ll give them to her when I deem it’s appropriate!

Sleep when you can: Again, both during pregnancy and once your bundle of joy has arrived. Never underestimate the effect that sleep deprivation has over your body, mind and emotions. Nothing is more important than your health and sanity, especially not that load of dishes which will NOT cause the sky to fall down if they aren’t done straight away!

Beware the “expert”: You will be offered so much good natured advice, but there are always those that claim to have ALL the answers and THEIR way is the ONLY way. I have one word to say to that: BOLLOCKS. There is only one way for doing everything from putting on a nappy to how much you cuddle your new born. And that way is YOURS. When encountering said experts I’ve found the best way is simply to nod and smile politely…

Read, read and read some more: I say read because with this wonderful tool called the Internet, you have access to what can become your biggest and most valuable resource. (Lets face it too, talking to people opens up the door for those “experts” described above) There are a million sites out their offering communities for women who have but one thing in common. Their children. What a way to start what can become an extremely intense bond! Find one that suits you and join. Talking to others who are going through what you are right now is the best therapy you’ll ever need! Pregnancy, labor and birth do some weird and wonderful things to your body, mind and hormones…knowing what your experiencing is also being experienced by others is often enough to allay the fears that there is something horribly wrong with you. You’ll also have an audience who won’t get bored with your enthusiasm over all those milestones you and your baby are achieving. They’ll also ease your mind when your child isn’t doing what they are “supposed” to be doing. Trust me, questions like “Is she walking yet” (when she isn’t) will have you wondering why the heck not and send you on an unending search for the answer. These communities will save your sanity. Having said all that, there is still nothing quite like a cuppa with others while you compare babies and notes, so be sure to check your local area for any “real” new mum groups in your neighbourhood.

Trust your instincts: Mother nature is a wonderful giver. She gives us the tools and subconscious ability to create life without having to think about the details - we don’t sit and think “Oh it’s day 96, time to grow some eyelashes!”*** She gives our new-borns characteristics which make us want to nurture and love them - large eyes and head. Listen to her when she talks! If your instincts tell you something is wrong, then it probably is. If your instincts tell you that attachment parenting is the way to go, then do it. Trust your instincts….I can’t say it enough.

Ask for help: If you need help, ASK. Your pride is not worth putting yourself or your baby at risk. If your ever speaking to my mother, ask her about the day I called her crying hysterically down the phone “I can’t do this anymore!!” She came home from work early and looked after Zoe while I sat on the floor of the shower and bawled my eyes out for half an hour. She’ll also tell you her immediate response was “What took you so long?”

Don’t forget to be YOU: Make sure you take regular time out just for you…time to forget that your a mum. Whilst there is nothing wrong with belonging to that most outstanding club called “Motherhood”, their was, is, and will be, more to who you are than that. Don’t lose yourself on your new journey, it takes a while to come back, believe me I know! Whether it’s continuing with a hobby, going to yoga classes, or just taking 5 minutes a day to curl up with your favorite book, do something not related to being a parent.

ENJOY your new role and baby: It can be easy to get bogged down in the downside of having an infant in the house. Stop once in awhile to take a look at the world through your babies eyes, enjoy the little things in life like they do - seeing a familiar face, discovering something for the first time. Enjoy the new people who will come into your life as a result of being a mother. Enjoy every precious moment you and your baby have together, because your going to wake up one day, and they’ll be starting school!!

Above all, remember one thing. You are not alone. You now speak the universal language of motherhood.

*Please don’t send me emails explaining what happens on day 96, I was simply making a point!

By: Kelly B, author of debambam.net